Another lonely night, another letter to my love.
Wherever you are, please find me. You are taking way too long, forget the flowers, don't bring anything...just bring yourself, whole and healthy and your love. That's all I want, and it's enough. I promise you that I don't need anything else.
A couple of months ago I had this strange dream. There's always this theory in the back of my mind about reincarnations and about how we're supposed to learn things from each lifetime and grow, become wiser and better.
And I had this conversation with you in my dream. You said that I wouldn't be able to live without you, in jest. I know we always joke around.
Like the superwoman that I am, I had to reply in that cool, calm, and collected voice, that yup I can indeed live without you. I wasn't serious.
And you said that I should go try.
If that ever did occur besides in my dream, I am so so sorry. You don't know how sorry I am. I think you've more than proven your point, and you've made me wait long enough. I miss you more and more with everyday that passes by.
If you'd just show up now, I'll tell you how much I love you and I'll show you that I can't live without you. You're my best friend. You fill that hole inside my heart, and you'd make me feel more blessed than I could ever feel by being there. I'll think of you every day and dream of you every night until you're mine again. I love you even though we've not met in this lifetime.
Part II (continued)
Please tell me, am I obsessed with a person that doesn't even exist? Do you exist? Should I question my own sanity? Why did I choose to come to this planet if you are not here? Am I that foolish to do such a thing as choosing to be born on a planet without you? I know that we are here by choice, and that we are eternal spirit/soul...but I need you. Fulfilling my life's purpose and achieving everything would leave me hollow if you were not there beside me. Who would share in my joy and celebrate those little victories in life with me?
Does all this make me sound desperate? That's the thing though, I'm not. None of them is you. I want and need you, my soulmate. Everytime I'm with someone, I still miss you and I know that he is not you.
None of them are that kind, pure, thoughtful, or constant. If I looked inside your eyes and your heart, I would be able to see the beauty of your spirit and feel your love, as constant as the sun rises and sets. Human beings are fickle in nature, but I've loved you so long and I am sure not just in this lifetime. You probably won't know me or recognize me at first, but as you get to know me and see what's inside of me, you'll see a part of yourself reflected back at you. I would be your other half.
Living with the illusions in this world and being in the matrix are only bearable if I had you and your love. That is the only thing worth being here for. The world is chaotic, and I'm wishing for the comfort and safety of your arms. I want to know that nothing else matters and that I could care less if I lose everything, if only I have you. Everything else is replaceable, temporary, and meaningless...they are just tools and experiences.
You know what bothers me? Waking up in the middle of the night and wondering if I died before meeting you in this lifetime it would be my only regret. If I could just have a glimpse of you, a day with you, a year, 5 years...I would die happy and with tears in my eyes because it'll be worth it. It would be worth coming down to Earth, to experience human life and to know suffering, and yet to experience incredible joy and love that otherwise I wouldn't have.